Confessions of a teenage drama queen.
I meant to get a bunch of stuff done today. I've managed to do about 25% of what I'd planned, which is pretty good considering that I slept until 11:30 and I still woke up tired. It was a long, intense week-into-weekend. (I'm sure the fact that I stayed up until 4am despite my best intentions for an early night had absolutely nothing to do with my exhaustion.)
It's insidious, the way I've noticed that workspeak is sneaking into my ordinary conversation. This morning I caught myself describing something in terms of the emotional bandwidth that I had to dedicate to it. Followed quickly by my realization that that struck me as a totally reasonable way of characterizing what I was thinking. A meta-objection followed by a meta-response to the meta-objection. I don't know how I feel about that.
Okay, other stuff:
If you've known me for any length of time, you've probably heard me rant about my high school. Does anyone enjoy high school? Does anyone who turns out to be even remotely interesting in later life enjoy high school? Reluctantly I have to admit that I've met a few unusually cool people who, however inexplicably, loved their time in high school. I was not so lucky. I spent most of my time in high school waiting for it to be over. I wasn't quite Welcome to the Dollhouse, but neither was I Clueless. I was A- popular and hated everyone. Have they made a movie like that?
One contributing factor is probably that I changed schools a number of times as a kid, so that the high school I now identify as my high school was only really my school for 11th and 12th grades. I didn't go to my ten year reunion, but that didn't stop me from replying, when queried about it by email, that the organizers might want to check their math (they had our ten year reunion nine years after we graduated). Yep, I was a lot of fun back in the day, except I wrote that email alarmingly recently. It's amazing how easily I can fall back into old patterns.
So anyway, high school. Not too long ago I discovered a renegade alumni site:
And I've slowly been reading my way through all the prose therein. Were there people like these site owners in my high school? There must have been, because these dudes themselves went to my high school, and yet I didn't know them, which in retrospect feels tragically too bad. Because these guys somewhat rock. Although in a funny twist of something like fate, one guy I did know peripherally in my high school (he was a different year) that I basically liked turns out to have become a great crony of tvdetective in college. My college. Which was also his college. Which we didn't know until I met tvdetective a while later.
These coincidences take a lot of emotional bandwidth!
Well, no, they don't, but I wanted to use the phrase "emotional bandwidth" again.